Dead End

I figured it was about time I posted another entry, so here goes.

Lately I've been feeling down in the dumps more and more every day it seems.
I really wish I knew how to let go of everything and finally just move on with my life.
I don't have control over things anymore.
I'm sick of feeling like I don't have a grip on my life like I have for the past few months or so.
I'm in a hole that I don't know how to get myself out of.
I just feel so... sick. Like I'm drowning in my own problems and I don't know which way is up. I get so shaky and teary just thinking about it. I know it sounds rediculous, but it's the only way I know how to explain it. I'm just so lost.

And beside that feeling, just when I thought I was stable again, I started reliving everything that ever meant anything to me over and over again in my head, and I almost feel as if I want it all back. But at the same time, I'm sick of living in my past and holding on to all of those old memories. It's like I've started wanting more and more of what I used to have.
I don't really know how I feel about it. I'm at a loss of words, really.
Even despite how badly I used to feel about myself, I'm pretty sure if I ever got the opportunity to go back to it I would.
I just don't know how to let go.

I don't write anymore, either.


God, I must sound crazy. I know none of this makes sense. There's no way to put it in words.
I kind of wish that I could just completely skip the next 6 months of my life and never know what happened in it.


Lost Means Lost
Backseat Goodbye

collective thoughts collect like rain on your shoulder
this carpet tries too hard for no one to notice
so do i, but not on purpose
and no, i'm not listening
and no, that dream doesn't mean it was true
lost means lost, and i've got no way of getting through to you
of course you call it "ours" all you'd like
but when we hate each other who will take it home?
and will be alone when you say it's alright'
cause you're the only one who will know
and i know, and do you even remember
the color of my eyes
or even what my voice sounds like
well here's a reminder love
to go with those chills down your spine
whatever happened to our silhouttes
side by side in the middle of a park bench
we could sit there all day if the weather permits
but you'd rather stay inside'cause you're not much on the sun
you're a sucker for the shade and reruns
and no you don't cross my mind
when her lips keep mine company
it's more like we never were
before i knew what forever was
i thought hope was love
but it turns out, forever's just a word
and will you be alone when you're under the covers
as the sky falls will it be on purpose
or will you say it was just an "accident"
you didn't mean to pull that hard
you didn't mean to say those words
well i don't mean to break your heart
when i say goodbye
but i hope it at least hurts
and you said "you can save your "la da da's"
for your shitty love songs"
well as for me i'll be fine
you just let me know what it's like to be alone
and i'll be singing
yeah i'll keep singing
la da da da da da